No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
