areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
