I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
