You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
