You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
