Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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