I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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