Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
