You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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