i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize