Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
