I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
