I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
