i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
