Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
