Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
