I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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