You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
