1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
