I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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