I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I FOUND THE LEGS
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