My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize