The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
