Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
