i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
