he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the raccoons are back...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
