youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
