I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
