Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
