First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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