i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
