I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
