I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
