I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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