We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
