Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
