Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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