You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
