we have officially mastered the walk of shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you had me at cake vodka
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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