Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
