farters have to be the big spoon...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
