I cannot find my penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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