Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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