just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
