This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
