I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
