Do you still have your period?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
