We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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