Just fell off a train. Bad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
