Sponge bath it is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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