i just wanna soil my oats bro
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
