You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Will exercising make me less horny?
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