Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
