So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
