that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm too high and old for this...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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