you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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