Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
