Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
