here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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