I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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