I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
