im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize