We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
