there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
