There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
