Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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