I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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