You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
